Etcetera explains why Nigerian
men cheat using Toke Makinwa's situation.
When you heard the news that
Toke Makinwa’s husband impregnated his girlfriend, you all took to social media
to rain insults on Nigerian men. Why men cheat on women they love became a
topic for all female radio presenters in the country.
Aren’t you all tired of asking
the same question over and over as if it is some perplexing unfathomable
mystery?
Your question is rhetorical,
but since it keeps coming up again and again, let me provide some explanations
to help you understand the reasons. I will simply tell it like it is, with no bull, tact, or political
correctness.
It’s just that oftentimes;
women do not accept the explanations. But in fact, one can understand it
through common sense. Sometimes a man would cheat on his wife or girlfriend
because he doesn’t love her anymore; he is bored with her, or even possibly
unhappy with their relationship.
In such scenarios, even women
can BECOME unfaithful as well. Women must understand that men are fundamentally
different from them and wired differently too. We all know this but feminists
try to suppress or deny this universal fact. A man craves variety and seeks
novelty, while women prefer familiarity. Men will naturally desire variety when
it comes to romantic/sexual partners more than women will. Men easily get bored
by the same thing every day or a routine and we are sometimes afraid to voice
this.
Think about this. You ate your
favourite eba and egusi soup, and on the second day that you ate it, the
pleasure would be noticeably less than the first day. And after a week of
eating it, you’d get tired of it and START to strongly desire to eat something
else. Your desire for that eba will have diminished at that point.
I know what you are thinking
now, “You can’t compare food with people” right? That’s the typical female
reaction to this analogy. However, I’m sorry to say that this analogy does
apply because it’s one of the best and simplest ways that it can be explained.
I am not trying to objectify
people. But by accepting such an analogy, it will STARTmaking sense to you that
men are more visually stimulated than women are. And when a man relies on
visual stimulation for arousal, the stimulation wears off at some point, which
then requires new stimulation from new women.
Got the drift? In other words,
visual stimulation is a sensual thing that is fleeting in nature and requires
constant variety in order to maintain the stimulation. Thus, men who seek
visual stimulation will require variety from more than one partner or lover.
Women often argue that “true
love” never gets old. But the notion of “true love” is indefinable, very
personable, and highly subjective. And even for the sake of this argument, if
we agree that “true love” never gets old and never wears out, that still
doesn’t change what we’re talking about HERE.
You see, even if a man has true
everlasting unending love for his woman, he can STILL desire another woman he
fancies. That’s what our women have to understand, rather than cling to naïve
clichés of society.
A woman’s heart tends to be able to love only ONE man at a
time, a man’s heart is different and can truly love MORE THAN ONE woman at a
time. This might be hard for you to accept, and unfathomable to YOUR values and
beliefs about “love.” But it is the truth.
A man’s heart is molded
differently with multiple chambers that enable him to love and desire multiple
women. It’s like a tree with different branches, rather than just one. Men
usually won’t admit it, because our society doesn’t accept this, but condemns
it.
Ladies, to understand this, think
about all the different colours you love. You love pink and sky blue, or red,
blue, black and purple. Now, can you like more than one colour at a time?
Of
course you can! You like the different colours in different ways, on different
things, and for the different ambiance and mood that each colour accentuates,
right? Likewise, you can like more than one type of cuisine right? Can you like
Chinese and Italian foods at the same time? Of course you can.
Even if society
said you could only like one type of cuisine, it wouldn’t make a difference,
would it? After all, society may attempt to create mutually exclusivities, but
reality doesn’t.
These are painfully obvious
examples, and I am not arguing that people are like colours or food, but such
simple analogies do describe what’s going on inside those who love more than
one person or like having many lovers. Just because a man tells more than one
woman that he “loves her,” desires her, or has feelings for her, does NOT make
him a “playboy” or “liar.”
He is not necessarily “playing”
in terms of acting, nor does it mean he is using people in some sort of pretend
“game” where he doesn’t care about their feelings. These are just false
judgements by the society especially a feminist or female dominated society like
Nigeria is fast BECOMING.
To some women, it doesn’t make
sense and doesn’t fit their definition of love and loyalty. But it’s the truth.
That’s reality and you’ve got to accept it if you want to try to understand it.
Not all men unequivocally attach loyalty to true love. Society might do so, but
not all human beings do. What women have to understand is that being in a
loving relationship does NOT automatically erase one’s desire for other people.
Of course, men who have
multiple partners often do have to lie to the women they romance, by telling
them that they are the only one when confronted with the issue. So that is one
area in which men commonly lie. However, it doesn’t make them dishonest people
in general.
It’s just that since most women cannot accept that their partner
can pursue someone else beside them, demanding total monogamy in love; men with
multiple desires for multiple women are FORCED to lie in order to prevent chaos
and failure in courtship. There is no easy way around it. And that is the case
even if they are generally honest men. (After all, who hasn’t lied? Everyone
has at one time or another, so stop pretending to be an angel!)
Loving or desiring multiple
women has nothing to do with right or wrong, or being good or bad. It is simply
a lifestyle and often these men are simply expressing who they are. Thus,
infidelity does not make a man “bad” in a moral sense. Often, these men who
romance multiple women are tender, caring, good-hearted, loving, nurturing
people. Some are even deeply spiritual or religious.
He doesn’t love you? My dear,
the line between love and lust is blurry and subject to personal opinion. There
is no universal objective measuring stick for differentiating between “love”
(which has so many different meanings anyway) and “lust.”
In reality, a man can find the perfect woman,
who outshines the rest in his life, and can even have a perfect relationship
with her, but still look at another woman he finds attractive and desires to
court her, romance her, and experience the wonders and pleasures of her
femininity as well.
Some men GET a “high” or
adrenaline rush from courting, romancing, or seducing new women, in a way that
nothing else can, and thus are addicted to it.
My ladies, there are no perfect
solutions or answers to everything. Just accept that some things in life are
just meant to be endured, not fixed or solved like an equation.
To be continued NEXT week.
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